Balance in life frequently eludes me; it is a life lesson I need to master. I know I should be eating healthy, exercising, meditating, trying to stay in the eye of the storm and not be getting swept up in the crazy hurricane that is my life right now. I am failing; I am in free fall mode.
In the past few weeks, I have been carried away/having a fun fling with article writing and the blog but, at the expense of my novel, which is my one true love – the one I pour my heart and soul into. Between working/writing/visiting Cambria/the relentless heat, I’ve not been to the gym or yoga or hiked in weeks, only walked. My house is a mess, spent the morning cleaning – it sounds mad, but when I go away, I like to leave a clean house behind, so if I die while I’m gone, then nobody can say – ‘Bloody hell! This is how she lived! I thought the place had been raided.’
Anyway, the Emerald Bay, Lake Tahoe half-marathon is at 7am Friday morning…and I am terrified. I don’t think I’ve done the training I’m supposed to; last night I was reading one of my marathon training books. I’m at the – what to do three weeks before a race – chapter – I had to skip forward to 3 days before. My nutrition is off. I haven’t ran a race since I was in school. I feel like a fraud. I’ll be lined up – in my Hoops – with that number/timing chip//bib thing on my chest – with all the runners. I plan on walking it; I don’t have the foundation to run it. Walking feels like cheating; I’m scared; it feels like I signed up for a driving lesson and now find myself at the starting post of the Grand Prix. I don’t know what I’m doing. As I was checking in for my flight this morning, I debated on canceling the whole trip. What am I playing at? I don’t want people to laugh and point because I’m not running and feel sorry for me. I hate pity. What if I come in last? I hate being last. Being first is so much more fun.
I am having serious doubts about my ability to pull this thing off. My flight leaves in the morning; I need to pack. Say a prayer, hold good thoughts for me at daybreak on Friday…Thank you…
Question: What do you need to do to keep yourself grounded and at peace? What chaos do you need to let go of? How can you simplify your life so you don’t feel overwhelmed?